There Were Three Quarks

Ever wonder how Carbon-14 goes about decaying to allow C-14 Dating?? Well, hold on to your red hat with the white trim! The tune is “There were two ravens sat in a tree.”

There were three quarks in a neutron seen
Down a down, hey down, hey down
One red, one blue and one was green
With a down
The neutron in a nucleus sat
Of C-fourteen in Santa’s hat
With a down, derry derry derry, up, down.

One quark unto the others said,
Down a down, hey down, hey down
“I’m dressed for Christmas all in red,”
With a down
“You’re green, not red,” a second cried,
“I’m green, she’s blue,” a third replied.
With a down, derry derry derry, up, down.

The shouts and shoving grew so keen
Down a down, hey down, hey down
Among the red, the blue, and green,
With a down
One tripped on a virtual W
That wasn’t there, and off it flew,
With a down, derry derry derry, up, down.

The down who’d tripped fell up so hard
Down a down, hey down, hey down
He flipped his spin and gave a charge
With a down
To the non-existent W
And knocked it right out of the nucleus, too.
With an up, derry derry derry up down.

The W not far could go
Down a down, hey down, hey down
Split off an antineutrino
With a down
The charge with a new electron stayed
That from the W was made.
With an up, derry derry derry up down.

The neutron was a proton then,
Down a down, hey down, hey down
The carbon changed to nitrogen
With a down
The N from a carbon’s place went scat
Leaving a hole in Santa’s hat
With an up, derry derry derry up down.

As Santa flew high o’er the pole
Down a down, hey down, hey down
Ozone trickled through the hole
With a down
A new hypothesis on why
An ozone hole is in the sky.
With an up, derry derry derry up down.

Oh Permafrost (1994, to the tune of “Oh Tannenbaum”)

The Geophysical Institute and Akasofu building (on the right) which inspired this carol, and the cross country ski hut built to appease the skiers in the center.

Oh permafrost, O permafrost,
We thought we’d build right o’er you.
Oh, permafrost, Oh, permafrost,
We find we can’t ignore you.
We’ve moved the building, changed the path,
Exposed ourselves to skiers’ wrath
Oh permafrost, Oh, permafrost,
We fervently deplore you.

The original plans for the Akasofu Building had to be altered when the ground at the originally planned site proved to have too much permafrost. As a result, the revised building site forced movement of the ski trails that crisscross the campus.

 

Geophysical Christmas Carols

Snow Carol (to the tune of “Winter Wonderland”)

In the air, vapor’s swirling,
On the pond, folks are curling,
The vapor makes drops, the drops freeze and pop,
And six-sided snowflakes fall down.

On the lake, skates are gliding,
Overhead, clouds are hiding,
Ice in the sky is growing, oh, my,
And six-sided snowflakes fall down

Snowflakes could be square or five pointed,
Or octagons, or spherical, you know,
But water with water is jointed
So that only six arms can grow.

On the slopes, skiers swish on,
Snowflakes hide stars to wish on,
They fall through the air, and catch in your hair,
The six-sided snowflakes fall down.

The science? Snowflakes do indeed have hexagonal near-symmetry, and this goes back to the crystal structure of ice. The condensation of water vapor into droplets and their subsequent freezing and splintering to seed more droplets into freezing is also part of cloud physics.

Geophysical (Alaskan) Christmas Carols

Climate Change (2000, to the tune of “Jingle Bells”)

Dashing through the snow,
On snow machine or skis,
Grass is poking through,
Send a blizzard, please!
It’s balmy in the North
While snowstorms rage Outside,
Please, Santa, all we want this year
Is snowfall, far and wide.

Climate change, climate change,
Wind and ice and snow,
Not much here in Fairbanks town
Wherever did they go?
Climate change, climate change,
Wind and ice and snow,
Should retreat to polar caps,
But tell them Down Below!

Note that “Outside” and “down Below” in Alaska are shorthand for the contiguous 48 states. I thought this carol was appropriate today, the weather in the 48 states being what it is.

Geophysical Christmas Carols 6

Arctic Haze (1987? to the tune of “Silver Bells”)

City street lights, through the ice fog, blink a bright red and green
As the shoppers skid home with their treasures.
Hear the snow squeak, feel the nose tweaked, ’tis monoxide’s big scene
And above all the bustle you see,

Arctic haze, arctic haze,
It’s Christmas time in the Northlands
See the fog, smell the smog,
Soon it will be Christmas day

In the taiga, on the tundra, mines and factories expand,
And their high stacks pour forth lots of carbon.
Heat the air up, melt the ice sheets, bring the oceans on land
And in Arctic air masses you see:

Arctic haze, arctic haze,
It’s Christmas time in the Northlands
See the fog, smell the smog,
Soon it will be Christmas day

Strictly speaking, Arctic Haze is a springtime phenomenon, the result of winter pollution being advected into the Arctic. But this way makes a good carol.
The photo, by the way, was taken about 2 pm December 9 in a parking lot in Fairbanks, temperature somewhere around the – 20’s. (The bank thermometers couldn’t agree.) Mine at home reads – 40 and it doesn’t matter whether it’s Farenheit or Celsius, because they’re the same at forty below.

Geophysical Christmas Carols 5

Where Have All the #Glaciers Gone

(to the tune of “Where have all the flowers gone”)

Where have all the glaciers gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the glaciers gone?
Long, long time ago,
Where have all the glaciers gone?
Gone to water, ev’ry one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn.

Where has all the water gone?
Long time passing
Where has all the water gone?
Long, long time ago,
Where has all the water gone?
Gone to rivers ev’ry drop.
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn.

Where have all the rivers gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the rivers gone?
Long, long time ago,
Where have all the rivers gone?
Flowed to oceans, ev’ry one.
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn.

Where have all the oceans gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the oceans gone?
Long, long time ago,
Where have all the oceans gone?
Flooded all the lower lands.
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn.

Where have all the shallows gone
Long time passing,
Where have all the shallows gone?
Long, long time ago,
Where have all the shallows gone?
Giving water to the skies.
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn.

Where has all the vapor gone?
Long time passing
Where has all the vapor gone?
Long, long time ago,
Where has all the vapor gone?
Gone to snowflakes in the air
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn.

Where have all the snowflakes gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the snowflakes gone?
Long, long time ago,
Where have all the snowflakes gone?
Gone to glaciers, ev’ry one.
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn.

Another Geophysical Christmas Carol, this one describing the water cycle. The shallows aren’t evaporating fast enough to balance the glacier melt, though.

Geophysical Christmas Carols 4

The Plate Tectonics Carol (to the tune of “Deck the Halls)

Sing we now of plate tectonics, Fa la la la la, la la, la la.
Mount Redoubt sings low harmonics, Fa la la la la, la la, la la.
Pangea and oceans spacious, Fa la la, Fa la la, la, la, la.
Split apart in the Cretaceous, Fa la la la la, la la, la la.

South Pacific Islands plaster, Fa la la la la, la la, la la.
Mountains up against Alaska, Fa la la la la, la la, la la..
Fast the Kula plate dives under, Fa la la, Fa la la, la, la, la.
Rising in volcanic thunder, Fa la la la la, la la, la la.

Whence Alaska’s northern highlands? Fa la la la la, la la, la la.
Asia, or Canadian Islands? Fa la la la la, la la, la la.
California’s jolting toward us, Fa la la, Fa la la, la, la, la.
What a quake whene’er they board us, Fa la la la la, la la, la la.

The plate tectonics is accurate. Enjoy!

Geophyscal Christmas Carols 3

Here Comes Ice Fog (to the tune of “Here Comes Santa Claus”)

Here comes ice fog, here comes ice fog,
Right down Airport Way,
Hazing street lights, hiding tail lights,
Darkening the day.
Pickup contrails flow together
Wreathing through the town
Temp’rature’s at minus forty
And it’s going down.

Plug your car in, heap the blankets
On its shivering hood.
Tires are square and steering’s stiff and
Traction’s not so good.
Peering through the frosted windshield
Hours before the dawn –
Let’s all head off to Hawaii
‘Til this weather’s gone!

All of these “Geophysical Christmas Carols” were originally written for the Christmas party at the Geophysical Institute, where I worked for many years. They echo both genuine geophysical research and life in Alaska. Enjoy!

Geophysical Christmas Carols 2

Oh, Christmas Tree (1986, to the tune of Oh Tannenbaum”)

Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
How green were once your branches
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
How yellow now your branches
We think it’s something in the air,
But ozone? Sulfur? And from where?
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
How brown are now your branches

Remember acid rain? Now it’s more insects, at least in our area. Global change?

Geophsical Christmas Carols

I was going to wait til after Thanksgiving to start posting these, but the verse of this one is just too appropriate to the current weather in Alaska!

White Christmas (1986, to the tune of “White Christmas)

The sun is shining, the snow is slush,
The willow and birch trees sway.
There’s never been such a day
At Christmastime in A.K.
But it’s December the twenty-fourth
Where is the weather that should be north?

I’m hearing of a white Christmas
Just like the ones we used to know.
Where the treetops glisten, and drivers listen
To hear snowplows in the snow,
I’m hearing of a white Christmas
The jet stream’s wandering tonight,
All the east is chilly, but bright,
And the Christmas in Florida is white.

These Geoophysical Christmas Carols will be posted on Tuesdays and Thursdays for the rest of the holiday season. Enjoy! And sing along!