Sunday again, and time for weekend Writing Warriors (click the logo above) and Snippet Sunday (click the logo below.) Join in one or both of these blog hops next week if you’re interested.
I am still posting from Rescue Operation, a WIP almost ready to publish. This conversation is continued from last week. Emeraude, Lelani and Keishala are Roi’s wives. (Roi is non-aging; his Human wives age normally.)
Source: Hubblesite.org
Emeraude, twenty years younger than Keishala, unwound her bitter-chocolate body from the exercise bars and pulled loose the scarf that had held her beige hair. “What happened?” she asked.
“Zhaim ‘solved’ the problem of Horizon’s not paying its dues by authorizing one of the big slaving companies to collect them—in people.” Roi still couldn’t quite believe it.
“Is it that serious?” Keishala asked, putting her music tablet down on Lelani’s table. “I mean, I know how you feel about slavery, but there are planets in the Confederation that sell their own citizens. Ginger says it’s a lottery on hers.”
“It’d be every bit that serious,” Emeraude shot back.
To be continued next week.
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Love the description of Emeraude. (She seems to be the most… aware?… of the wives so far.)
(And, btw, that name brings back memories! When I was younger a friend of the family gave me Emeraude perfume for Christmas every year.)
Emeraude’s the youngest, and her mother is an interstellar diplomat. She herself is a sociologist, so this is something that comes into her field of interest.
A couple of things I really like. The culture seems to be progressive–in that women have an opinion, and Roi is soliciting the opinion of his wives. And the wives aging while Roi doesn’t lends a bittersweet element to the story. 🙂
There is no prejudice linked to sex or pigmentation on Central (which includes some variants not common in humans today but known in other mammals, such as blue dilution.) Pigmentation does vary according to planet of origin, mostly due to variation in available UV. Very little linked to past slave status. But potentially a lot (especially among Zhaim’s adherents) based on the percent of genes derived from R’il’nian as opposed to Human ancestors. There are, however, some very sexist societies as parts of the Confederation–Emeraude’s home planet is matriarchal.
I like Emeraude’s comeback at the end. It sounds to be like it is serious.
She’s much more into politics than the other two.
“bitter chocolate body” — love that description !!
Thanks. I had one reader who didn’t know what bitter chocolate looked like.
I like your snippet because of your strong description and easy flow of the language. Since yours is a WIP, I’m going to go back and look for something to suggest.
How about coming up with a more descriptive word that “held” her beige hair. You could give insight to her personality with something as minor as how she wears her hair. Same with “putting” her music tablet down. You can show the mood in how she slams it or places it on the table. http://www.thesaurus.com is my best friend.
If that’s the best advice I can give you, your eight-line snippet must be pretty darn good!
http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/2014/08/weekend-writing-warriors-081714.html
Thanks for the suggestions, but the scarf is just keeping Emeraude’s hair out of her way while she exercises. It’s not a fashion accessory. And putting the tablet down is what I intended. She’s not upset, she just has her attention caught enough to put it out of the way.
I like Emeraude. I also like the insights into the different attitudes about slavery and about proposed interference in societal norms.
Does this story have an ETA, yet, Sue Ann?
I’ve submitted the first ten pages and a very brief outline to a conference I’m attending early September, where it’ll be critiqued by an agent. If no interest, I may go iUniverse again. At my age and with my health, I just don’t have the time left to spend several years querying. Of course if you’d like to beta read it, I’d be delighted to get your opinion.
Interesting world building details about the wives. I do like Roi! Another excellent excerpt that left me wanting to read a LOT more with the wives’ conversation.
I have a little more coming up.
I find it fascinating to see things like sci-fi or fantasy incorporating real-world concepts like politics, sexism, or racism. I find that far too often, these aspects are completely left out of these genres. It’s a lovely change. 🙂
To my mind, that is one of the main purposes of SFF: it allows examination of beliefs we often hold without thinking.
Very skillful world-building here. I’m always in awe of writers who seem to do it effortlessly, as you do. The details about the wives, the family structure, the politics of the planet pull the reader in as if with a very powerful magnet. 🙂 Can’t wait to read more.
I find it easier to build worlds than to figure out the one we live in.
Emeraude seems more political than the rest of them do. It makes the story seem so real to discuss things like politics and slavery, things that people in any society have opinions about.
She has a much more political background as a planetary ambassador’s daughter from a matriarchal world.
A slavery lottery sounds… interesting. It must be a little scary knowing you could be randomly chosen and sold–unless it isn’t random, after all.
Probably not random for the ruling elite. More like the draft.
I like Emeraude’s comeback. Great snippet!
She’s not through yet.
Intriguing look into Koi’s world. I am looking forward to seeing what happens next. Well done.
Roi’s world;).
I’ll be on this scene for a while.
Oh yes, I believe it is that serious. If the planet doesn’t have citizen to work on it, how are they ever going to pay the tax anyway.
They aren’t planning to take workers.
I like Roi and get a foul taste when I hear Zhaim’s name. Interesting attitude differences among Roi’s wives, wonder if it has anything to do with generational differences. I do wonder if the wives aging and Roi not at the same rate builds any resentment, you know, being “replaced” by a younger woman. Fascinating snippet.
Background differences. Roi really makes an effort to treat his wives with equal love and respect, and makes it clear before he takes a new wife that he expects harmony among them. But after a couple of hundred years, he knows he will see them grow old and die — and many decide they can’t take growing old while he stays young and decide to leave him.
Interesting interaction! It seems you’ve done a lot of work in the world building for this project, and it definitely shines through even in this short excerpt.
Oh, I’ve been building this world for decades.
Great snippet. I liked your description of Emeraude, and the conversation flowed naturally among the characters.
Keep smiling,
Yawatta
Audi’s a background character until the third book of the trilogy, where she becomes major.
Oh my! Selling citizens and lotteries, I like this. Dark concepts with lessons to be taught. Great snippet.
This is a world I don’t go much farther into in this, but the point is that planetary law in the Confederation (think of it as a super UN with no declaration of Human rights) is extremely varied. The Confederation exists to prevent warring among planets and to protect against outside threats.
I love the image of her on the exercise bars. Very strong.
She’s a minor character in this one, but comes into her own in the third book of the trilogy.