Quotes from Terry Pratchett’s Hogfather

Most of the Twitter quotes for the past week have been from Hogfather, a Terry Pratchett book that satirizes (among other things) the commercialization of Christmas.

Actually the Hogfather, like a good many of the things we connect with Christmas, is associated with the winter solstice, which is today. Here in Alaska, it’s 8:30 this evening; if you live on the East Coast it’s 12:30 tomorrow morning. The book has been made into a DVD, which I reviewed yesterday. Happy southern Solstice!

“Three million dollars could buy a lot of no questions.” Thoughts of Downey, the head of the Assassins’ Guild, when the auditors offer that amount to get rid of the Hogfather (the Discworld’s equivalent of Santa Claus.)

“Everything starts somewhere, though many physicists disagree.” The opening sentence of Hogfather, though unless this is a reference to the old steady-state universe theory, now pretty well debunked, I’m not sure why the physicists would disagree.

“Real children don’t go hoppity-skip unless they are on drugs.” Susan Sto Helit, rebuking Gawain for stepping on the cracks to bring the bears so she can go after them with the nursery poker.

“Education had been easy. Learning things had been harder.” Susan, considering her past life and education.

“Wizards wouldn’t be wizards if they couldn’t see a little way into the future.” In this particular case, the wizards of Unseen University are apprehensive, with good reason, about the hangover cure being mixed by Mustrum Ridcully in hopes of curing the oh god of hangovers.

“Clever isn’t the same as sensible.” Susan to the oh god of hangovers, after she has said that the wizards of some of the cleverest men in the world.

“Idiocy is not a communicable disease.” Ridcully’s comment on the idea that Hex (the Unseen University computer) might have caught something from the burser (who is more than usually unusual mentally.) In fact Hex is confused by something done by Death, who is filling in for the Hogfather.

“Freedom came even before survival.” Bowling, Tourist Trap. Roi is commenting on Timi’s mindset, and how it differs from his own.

Hogfather: DVD Review

“HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.”

Thus Death says to his granddaughter, Susan Sto Helit, and thus Sir Terence David John Pratchett says in the interview on this DVD. You have to start believing in the little lies, like the Hogfather (Santa Claus) and the Tooth Fairy, in order to believe the big lies, like truth and justice.

The Auditors don’t believe in this. Humans are untidy. Life is untidy. So they plan to get rid of the untidiness, first by getting rid of the Hogfather. To manage this, they engage the Guild of Assassins, who assign the task to one Teatime (Teh-ah-tim-eh, as he keeps correcting people’s pronunciation) who is a little strange, even for an assassin.

The DVD is remarkably close to the book, probably because Terry Pratchett was closely involved with making it. Since the plot involves not only the Hogfather and Teatime, but Death, his granddaughter Susan (especially Susan), the Tooth Fairy and the franchise she runs, the wizards of Unseen University, and an assortment of unlikely creatures such as the oh god of hangovers and the sock-eater, there tends to be a good deal of jumping between scenes.

There are complications, many (and much of the satire on the commercialization of Christmas) coming from Death’s taking over the Hogfather’s job. I particularly enjoy his filling in for the hired Hogfather at the Discworld equivalent of a department store. Then there is the idea that there has to be a certain amount of belief in the world, leading to any personification thought of coming into being once the children’s belief in the Hogfather wavers. But there are serious scenes, too, like the Hogfather, in boar shape, being chased by the Auditors as dogs. (Why not boarhounds, instead of Malinois? And how did the filmmakers manage the boars, either fleeing from the dogs or pulling the sleigh? Are they animated?)

If you like satire and like Pratchett, it’s definitely worth watching. It’s on my watch-every-Christmas list. And, as a challenge to the reader, Pratchett himself is in the movie. I had to check the cast list to find out whom he portrayed. Can you do better?

Fairbanks Weather, 12/19/11

Above freezing yesterday – and that’s not a good thing this time of year. The ground is cold, and water freezes out of the air as frost, making things very slippery. As far as I’m concerned, warm weather can wait for March or April, when there’s some chance things will stay warm and the snow will actually melt. Right now, with the winter solstice only two days away, it just means more ice.

Waiting for a left turn, looking south near solar noon. Yes, that's ice on the road.

Sunrise this morning will be at 10:57, and the sun will set at 2:39. Not much time to fit a little shopping around my doctor’s appointment, as we have only 3 hr 42 minutes of daylight, with the sun getting no more than 4 times its own diameter above the horizon. Sunrise, sunset and length of day are changing by only seconds a day, now, and by Thursday the days will be getting longer again. The winter solstice is definitely time for celebration as things turn around!

The forecast is for slightly above normal temperatures for the next week, but not much snow. Too bad, as we could use more snow. I haven’t been bothering to photograph the snow stake, as it seems stuck on 9”. I did, however, get a couple of photos Saturday: one of the pink and blue of the trees this time of year, and another of driving conditions.

Six Sentence Sunday

This is a continuation of last week’s snippet from Rescue Operation.

[Tod] watched as a flyer landed above the road and a couple of men got out and began picking their way down the slope toward the captives.

“Any trouble?” one of the men asked.

“Just sniveling,” the woman answered.  “I think they’re all awake, though.  Not a bad haul.  That one’s a beauty–make a lovely catamite.”

Next week is Christmas day and Six Sentence Sunday is taking a break. I’ll go ahead and post a snippet, but it will be a short excerpt from my published book, Homecoming, about Roi’s first experience of winter solstice holidays.

Don’t forget to visit the other Six Sentence Sunday authors.

Our Sense of Smell

I ran across an article recently claiming that modern humans have a better sense of smell than Neanderthals.

Well, some modern humans.

I happen to be practically devoid of a sense of smell. Maybe it’s years of allergies. Maybe it’s diabetic neuropathy. Maybe it’s living in a cold, dry climate. Neanderthals do appear to have been better cold-adapted than modern humans who, after all, evolved in Africa. But the fact remains that my eyes start burning from charring food on the stove before I smell it. And I can’t even smell the odors from some of my plants, including mint, unless I rub or crush the leaves. I have to put my nose right into fragrant roses, jasmine or citrus blossoms before I smell them.

It hasn’t always been that way. I can remember smelling the differences between herb plants at a nursery, for instance, and sniffing appreciatively at pineapple sage and lemon verbena. I’m sure lilacs once spread their scent, while I now have to bury my nose in a panicle to get anything.

It’s not all a loss, of course. I remember also the stench of my grandparents’ outhouse, especially in summer, and deep-cleaning a dirt-floored stall in spring. Considering what sanitation was like a couple of centuries ago, I suspect that modern humans must have learned to turn off or ignore their sense of smell pretty often, just as a matter of survival.

Strangely I am still sensitive to some odors, especially cigarette smoke and some artificial perfumes. But they make my eyes water as well as being distinctly unpleasant odors, and I suspect my reaction may be linked to the fact that “perfumed” detergents make my skin itch.

But now and then I notice a pleasant odor. Right now, it is narcissus.

They started blooming this week, next to the kitchen table. I saw them first, but the last couple of days my meals have had a distinct, intensely floral narcissus flavor. I remember how my mother used to force narcissus bulbs. I am still sensitive to the link between odor and memory, it seems.

In fact, writing about odors often brings things to mind I have almost forgotten. The smell of cut green grass, for instance, brings back the years one of my chores was cutting the Bermuda grass with our old push mower. Not too surprising in terms of brain wiring – the sense of smell is the only one that goes straight from the environment into the brain, but it’s interesting that simply remembering a smell from when I could detect it has the same effect.

I can’t help but wonder how much variability there might be, both in modern humans and in Neanderthals, in the capacity to detect and distinguish odors.

Jarn’s Journal Day 610, Evening

This is an excerpt from the (fictional) Journal of Jarn, a human-like alien stranded on Earth, in southern Africa, roughly 125,000 years ago. This Journal became the Holy Book of several of the planets that later made up the Jarnian Confederation (where my science fiction books are set.) The entire Journal to date is on my author website.

I wish this planet didn’t have sentient inhabitants, or at least that they were not so much like me. “Do not interfere.” Ha! How can I help but interfere?

As I thought, the two adults were Songbird’s parents, decked out in their best finery, and the smaller, aged figure, even more elaborately adorned, was the person I’ve been calling – and might as well continue calling – the shaman. I suspect clan-mother would be more accurate, as most of her advice seems to come from experience and tradition. I do not know how old she is, but Songbird’s mother is the daughter of her daughter. She is bent and wrinkled, and the few teeth she has left are worn down to nubbins – yet I think from some of the things she said that she is younger than I am.

When I asked her how she knew I would rescue Songbird, while Songbird was showing my “calendar” to her parents, she looked half puzzled. “Sometimes I know when someone is going to die. I knew I could not heal Songbird, and yet I did not feel her death coming. And we had to leave; the clans meet when the rains go north. But I hoped only; I did not know.”

Untrained conditional precognition. We might be like this, if we aged.

Yet they have something we do not have, something that delights the eye. They – all of them – have creativity. Songbird wove patterns into her baskets, which pleased me, but everything these people have is decorated in some way. With us, only a few have the ability to create beauty, and those few are treasured. Is it possible that all of these people, people who grow old like animals, have that spark in their souls?

They know of me. What further harm could I do by accepting their invitation to visit?

Let it Snow

This carol is wishful thinking this year, without enough snow to keep the buried water lines from freezing. But we’ve had winters like this, and there are parts of the country where this (aside from the Aleutians) may be appropriate this year.

Let it Snow (1994, to the tune of “Let It Snow”)

Oh, we’re setting new records nightly
As the snow keeps falling whitely.
The skiers are eager to go,
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Oh, the traffic is crawling slowly
As the birches bend more lowly,
For the plowers it’s go! Go! GO!
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Long before Christmas wreaths the door
We’ll have all of our snow for the year.
So it won’t need to snow yet more,
But it won’t work that way, so I fear.

The Aleutians new storms keep spitting,
And Alaska they keep hitting,
But it’s better than forty below,
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

(You should realize that in my part of Alaska, it has to warm up to snow. There just isn’t enough water in the air for significant snow at 40 below.)

Quotes from Meredes Lackey

Today has more Twitter quotes from Mercedes Lackey, this time from Storm Rising.

“Every time you solve a problem you bring up twenty more.” Natoli, talking about the  plans for steam carriages.

“There are some things a man is not meant to know.” In this case, Tremane is thinking of a sewage plant that produces fertilizer. He doesn’t know how it works, and he doesn’t want to.

“Every gift carries the hope for an exchange.” Another Shin’a’in saying, this one quoted by An’desha when he tries to help Karal, who has helped him earlier.

“Once knowledge is gained, there is no going back to ignorance.” Karal, musing about his newfound ability to see things from all sides.

“There is no end to questioning, except decay.” Natoli, trying to explain her seeking spirit to Karal.

“It all obeys rules. It is all perfectly logical.” An’desha, speaking of magic to Natoli when she objects to the Healer dosing Karal’s incipient ulcer with herbs and diet restrictions rather than using magic to heal him.

“Teleporting on a round planet brought problems other than conservation of momentum.” Bowling, Homecoming. Roi has just fully realized that his teleport has produced a 7 hour time zone shift.

A Christmas Carol: DVD Review

If the Grinch and the Nutcracker are old Christmas favorites, I got a DVD last year that is going to be a new one. Not new, really, as I’ve read the Dickens classic dozens of times. In fact, I just added “The Complete Charles Dickens Collection” to my Nook to replace the books lost in the fire, so I could compare “A Christmas Carol” in print with the DVD—though I knew already that the Disney movie was very close to the Dickens original, just from the familiarity of the dialog.

The dialog was indeed taken almost entirely from the book, and the Christmas past sequence, aside from the transitional bits such as the flight with the ghost and the candle snuffer becoming a rocket, also closely followed the book. The Christmas present sequence also followed the book reasonably well, though the vision through the floor of flights through the air over London were new.

The main place the film diverged from the book was in the Christmas future sequence, which was nightmarish far beyond the original. True, the hearse was mentioned in the book, but only as a comparison for the width of the steps to Scrooge’s rooms.

Although the characters are computer-generated, they all move and use their faces so naturally it doesn’t feel at all like a cartoon. I always enjoy the “Making of” shorts on these discs, and this one was a fascinating introduction to motion capture, including the capture of facial expressions.

So is it worth watching? I think so. Dickens’ A Christmas Carol is an old favorite, and I think I’ll add this DVD in future years.

Fairbanks weather 12/12/11

The sun will rise (well, it would skitter along the horizon if I had a flat, clear horizon) at 10:47 this morning, and will set at 2:42 this afternoon, for a theoretical 3 hours 55 minutes of daylight. Not that sunrise (and sunset) are exactly precise this time of year, as the sun appears to be moving almost horizontally. At its highest it is 2.3° above the horizon, and there isn’t much change day to day now. Not that it’s easy to tell, with cloud cover most of the time. On the solstice the sun will be 2° — four solar diameters – above the horizon at noon. It may be fall by the calendar, but it’s winter outdoors.

Alaska’s been hit and is still being hit by a string of storms coming out of the Bering Sea, but the heavy snow isn’t getting this far inland. We haven’t even had enough to make up for the settling during the thaw — under 10″ on the ground. At least it’s cloudy most of the time, with temperatures going back and forth through 0°F – balmy for this time of year.

It’s what I think of as the pink and pastel blue time of year during the short days. When the sun is shining, the snow-covered trees are pink where they are in sunlight and blue in the shadows, because the sun never gets high enough to lose the sunrise/set colors.

P.S. 3 pm: Light snow, temperatures just below freezing, blowing snow and threat of freezing drizzle — roads are terrible. I had an appointment in Fairbanks at noon, and on my way to the Richardson Highway (the only way from North Pole into Fairbanks without driving 15 miles north around Fort Wainright) I heard on the radio to avoid the Rich because of accidents. I saw cars in the ditch and the traffic was crawling, but I did manage to get through both ways. No more driving today, though!